Newsweek For Sale and The Failed Legacy of My Grandfather
It’s in the news this week that Newsweek Magazine is for sale. Although I confess that I don’t read Newsweek with any regularity, the mention of it always catches my eye because my grandfather, Thomas John Cardell Martyn, originally founded the magazine in 1933. Clearly, I inherited his entrepreneurial instincts (and also his nose).
However, I don’t talk very often about my grandfather because while he was able to do impressive things in the business world, he failed at what I believe to be one of life’s biggest achievements, one that makes any business success look unimpressive in comparison: My grandfather was a lousy father.
After he left Newsweek, my grandfather for all intents and purposes abandoned his family and went to South America to pursue various business endeavors. My grandmother essentially raised my dad and his sister as a single parent. It was not that acceptable to divorce in those days, and raising her family by herself was not an easy task. My father’s sister, my aunt, never spoke to her father after she left home and refused to speak about him with anyone for the rest of her life.
My father dutifully kept up a letter writing campaign with his father as his father lived out his days in southern Brazil. But the impact on my dad was very deep and, in my view, essentially crippled him emotionally. Of course the result of this wounding affected the kind of parent he was to me and my siblings, as well the kind of husband he was to my mother.
So when you get down to it, I don’t care if you are Donald Trump or Bill Gates and have a ton of money in the bank and all sorts of business accomplishments in your “win” column. What does all that matter if you are a lousy parent, an absent spouse, or if your friendships run fast and shallow? It’s that old question about: what do you want them to write on your gravestone: “I wish I had spent more time at the office” ?
Fortunately, having good relationships is a lot more important for many people these days. Most people want to leave a legacy of healthy, positive relationships with partners, children and friends.
This is an especially hard challenge for entrepreneurs. We have to marshal all our strength, intelligence and heart, as well as tap all the help available in order to achieve a healthy balance and not let our business completely take over our lives. The price is too high. In fact, our businesses have a better chance of succeeding if we don’t become completely obsessed and unbalanced, and shortchange the personal relationships in our lives.
Newsweek may go the way of the dinosaur, but my grandfather has left his legacy. He could have done better.
What will your legacy be?
This is a great post Anne. It’s so hard to strike a balance with one’s personal life when starting a business–I struggle every day. Being obsessed can feel like I’m being responsible–trying as hard as I can to make it work. I like being reminded that my business will do better if I do balance work and family though, since that’s really what I want in the long run…Thanks!
Hi Anne,
This really hits home for me. I’ve been thinking about my late father a lot lately. He was a very powerful and sharp man who made his living sueing oils companies (maritime personal injury – plaintiff’s attorney).
I am sure he is trying to get back to “this side” to sue someone (everyone!!) over this debacle in the Gulf Of Mexico. I inherited a huge oil painting of an exploding oil rig in the Gulf from him – it hung over his desk for years…
For so long I have regarded his fathering (mostly absent, philandering playboy, bully, an exploding tyrant when he was there, the most sarcastic person I have ever met.etc etc etc…).
His father was just like him, but a gambler and one of the chemists created the “catalytic cracker” and held 44 patents for Esso. Both great in a way, both utter “failures” as fathers. But…
Now, I realize that everything I have gone through emotionally “because of him” has made me SOOO strong. It was excellent training. All of the self doubt, insecurities, abandonment fears, “never-good-enoughness” were once like iron balls around my ankles.
When I cleared (still clearing as they come up!) the emotional patterns that I had held for so long, the lightness of being was/is euphoric!!
It’s like the Johnny Cash song “Boy Named Sue”. Once you clear the emotional effect, nobody else can run those old patterns on you!
In negotiation people often try the bully/intimidation patterns and it makes me chuckle – and I think, “Amateurs”! Nobody will ever be able to duplicate the level of expertise with which my father wore me down and now that I know that, it’s like an intimidation inoculation!
As for me, I do my very best to bring out the very best in all of the children and people in my sphere of influence. Adversity is a blessing!
Cheers + we need to catch up soon!
Nancy T. Hand
I like this story, Anne. It has an emotional impact because of your experiences with it. There is not much of a parallel with my life, but I like the illustration of the domino effect of poor parenting. That domino effect seems to often end with one determined person (or generation, if your siblings are similar) who learns from those mistakes and changes the entire direction of the ancestral emotional river. In my family, all my siblings are dedicated to releasing the dysfunction and creating a healthier new way to relate.
When that happens, it’s hard to view the previous dysfunction as “bad”. It all just seems to be important steps, one after another, on a long pathway to growth.
Thanks Anne,
A valuable reminder of what’s most important in life: our relationships.
Ron
thanks for posting this Anne!
This post held a powerful lesson for me, too — because I initially assumed that “failed legacy” referred to a critical mistake he made in setting up the publication that has reverberated to this day.
…when what has reverberated to this day is a critical mistake he made in his personal life.
It’s easy to get caught up in the constant “fire fighting” and minutiae of running a business, but thanks for reminding me of what is, in the final analysis, truly important.
Ditto Bonnie and Nancy. It’s a cop-out, a denial of personal responsibility to wallow over one’s circumstances. If they made your life miserable when you had no control, why would you continue to give them power in your life when you’re in charge? If they didn’t deserve it then, they don’t deserve it now.
Apparently, my grandfather was a real ass. Half his kids were screwy, half came out okay. One aunt never shuts up about it, a black cloud follows her everywhere. Half her kids came out great, half are losers.
My dad is also an ass, by all accounts as bad as his dad except he isn’t a racist like his parents (and siblings). I have to give him credit for that, none of my dad’s kids are racists. But most of them are screwy too. Which those may be depends on which kid you talk to.
I have another aunt and uncle who came out great. I’m more like my uncle (he’s like a father to me). My sister is like my dad. My brother is like my black cloud aunt. Some say the outcome is more closely related to genetic resilience, but who knows?