Apparently, my grandfather was a real ass. Half his kids were screwy, half came out okay. One aunt never shuts up about it, a black cloud follows her everywhere. Half her kids came out great, half are losers.

My dad is also an ass, by all accounts as bad as his dad except he isn’t a racist like his parents (and siblings). I have to give him credit for that, none of my dad’s kids are racists. But most of them are screwy too. Which those may be depends on which kid you talk to.

I have another aunt and uncle who came out great. I’m more like my uncle (he’s like a father to me). My sister is like my dad. My brother is like my black cloud aunt. Some say the outcome is more closely related to genetic resilience, but who knows?

…when what has reverberated to this day is a critical mistake he made in his personal life.

It’s easy to get caught up in the constant “fire fighting” and minutiae of running a business, but thanks for reminding me of what is, in the final analysis, truly important.

A valuable reminder of what’s most important in life: our relationships.

Ron

When that happens, it’s hard to view the previous dysfunction as “bad”. It all just seems to be important steps, one after another, on a long pathway to growth.

This really hits home for me. I’ve been thinking about my late father a lot lately. He was a very powerful and sharp man who made his living sueing oils companies (maritime personal injury – plaintiff’s attorney).

I am sure he is trying to get back to “this side” to sue someone (everyone!!) over this debacle in the Gulf Of Mexico. I inherited a huge oil painting of an exploding oil rig in the Gulf from him – it hung over his desk for years…

For so long I have regarded his fathering (mostly absent, philandering playboy, bully, an exploding tyrant when he was there, the most sarcastic person I have ever met.etc etc etc…).

His father was just like him, but a gambler and one of the chemists created the “catalytic cracker” and held 44 patents for Esso. Both great in a way, both utter “failures” as fathers. But…

Now, I realize that everything I have gone through emotionally “because of him” has made me SOOO strong. It was excellent training. All of the self doubt, insecurities, abandonment fears, “never-good-enoughness” were once like iron balls around my ankles.

When I cleared (still clearing as they come up!) the emotional patterns that I had held for so long, the lightness of being was/is euphoric!!

It’s like the Johnny Cash song “Boy Named Sue”. Once you clear the emotional effect, nobody else can run those old patterns on you!

In negotiation people often try the bully/intimidation patterns and it makes me chuckle – and I think, “Amateurs”! Nobody will ever be able to duplicate the level of expertise with which my father wore me down and now that I know that, it’s like an intimidation inoculation!

As for me, I do my very best to bring out the very best in all of the children and people in my sphere of influence. Adversity is a blessing!

Cheers + we need to catch up soon!
Nancy T. Hand